New Goals for the New Year!

Here we go again! I can't believe it's 2010 already! Every year at this time I reevaluate my life and focus on the areas where I need the most growth. And I don't know about you, but it's easy for me to find MANY areas where I need to grow (o:

One goal of mine for this new year is that I want to work on being an example for my family instead of judging them. I am guilty of leading by the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality instead of leading by example. I am also guilty of blaming others for my actions and reactions. The great thing about this goal is I'm already well aware of when I do this, I'm just not as quick as I'd like to be in preventing it from happening (o:

My next goal is getting my spending under control! I know my husband will love this one! A few years ago, I gave Jarrod most of my credit cards, which have been locked away ever since. In theory, this was a great idea for getting me to spend less, but in actuality, it didn't stop the spending )o: We are able to save some money every month, but not what we could be saving if I wasn't in charge of the finances.

All my goals seem simple enough, but they are areas that I've been struggling in the last year. I hope my first update on my New Years Goals will be an encouraging one!!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Field Day

Today I spent the day with a group of 2nd graders from Neuse Baptist Christian School; it was field day( : I got soooo burnt and had to settle a few disagreements amongst the girls, but we had an AWESOME day!!! I was excited to be able to volunteer because I haven't been able to do much of anything with the kids at school this year because I've been working and going to school myself. Here is a video of the kids on the way to the soccer field for the second half of field day. Sooooo cute( :

Graduation!!!!

I can't believe it, but at the age of 30, I am finally graduating!!!!! I didn't think I would care so much and to be honest I was a little embarrassed at first to tell people because it took me sooooo long to get a two year degree!! But then I began to realize how visible God's hand was in me completing this degree and now I couldn't be more proud to share it with people!!


Let me take you back a bit.....

In 1996 I was a junior in highschool and before I could finish that year of school, I was a mother and a drop out. I did decide to go back and get my GED only after I had difficulty finding a job without one.

Over the next several years my life was like a roller coaster. It was spinning out of control at a very rapid pace, but the sad thing was, I thought I had it all together.

Every time I thought I was getting my life back on track, I would find some way to make it worse! I got pregnant with my daughter at 21 and soon after, found myself alone and now a single mother of two.

I look back at that time in my life and the things I was doing and I am shocked, and although I know full well it was me that did them, I have a hard time remembering who that person was.

I tried several times to go back to school after 99' but something or someone always got in the way.

Fast forward to today...

When I think about my life now and how extremely different it is from then, I fully understand what God is capable of if you allow Him in, and I am humbled at the investment He made in someone who was as broken as me!

In just a few short years, He took me and molded me into someone who, on most days, I'm proud of. My focus and priorities in life became so clear and with that, I've been able to accomplish so much in such a short amount of time! In three years, I have been blessed with a WONDERFUL and suppportive husband who has taken care of our home while I've been going to school full time at night. He has supported me every step of the way, and I can only imagine how stressful it must have been for someone with no children to come into a family with two kids and take on that full time responsiblity, but he did and never once made me feel like it was a burden!

And my parents, my mom and "dad". It was Del, my "dad", that pushed for me to participate in graduation because it would be the first for me and he really wanted to be there. I thank God for Del everyday because I never knew what love from an earthly father felt like until he came into the picture. He gave up many weekends to take the kids for us so that I could focus on my school work. Every step of the way he has been there encouraging me to finish and supporting me in every way he could. Here is a man who when he met my mom 13 years ago, had no children of his own but entered into our family, not wanting to change it, but just wanting to find a place to fit into it. I gave him so much grief at first but he hung in there! I'm so grateful that he did ( :

I realize that this graduation is about more than a degree, it's a testimony to God's work and will in my life. I am beyond grateful for the new creation that I am and for His willingness to never give up on me!!!!!

Happy Easter!

"Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst!" 1 Tim. 1:15

I've memorized this verse, but I still can't wrap my head around it! Jesus, son of God, perfect, holy, without sin, came here to die for ME!!!

I always tend to reflect more on my salvation at Easter and this year is no different. Before I got saved I use to think that I had so much to loose if I decided to follow Jesus. What I didn't realize was that I was designed to have a relationship with Him so turning my back on that didn't make the need for Him go away, it just kept me tangled in the bondage and desperation of my sin.

When I think back to all that He has delivered me from it so overwhelming that I can barely stand at the thought! And even though He's brought me a million miles from where I was, I have a billion more to go! But I am encouraged in that because I don't ever want to get complacent in my need for Him! I need Him desperately and I don't ever want to forget that.

My prayer this Easter is that my friends who are searching for happiness and peace would finally get that! He is the missing part of your life, the one thing you need to truly be happy! I am living proof of that. I was so desperate before Him that I thought about taking my own life. How sad that I didn't feel worthy to live. The thought of Jesus, so selflessly giving His own life for someone who took theirs for granted. I'm humbled at the thought.

"My chains are gone, I've been set free! Sins curse has lost it's grip on me! I am His, and He is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ!!"

Thank you Jesus!

Updates!

Wow, has it really been two months since I posted last? Where has the time gone? I promise to write soon and update you guys on what all has been going on:)

Forgiveness, Hope, Disappointment and Bitterness....

If I had to give a name to the merry-go-round I am on right now, it would be "Forgiveness, Hope, Disappointment, and Bitterness". I know it's a long name for a ride, but that's the jest of the cycle I am on with a couple of people right now.
Ever since my spiritual birth, I have struggled with my temper. I know those who know me are snickering right now and saying, no; really:) I don't deny it nor do I make excuses for it, but because of that struggle, I don't always deal with situations appropriately.
I know the cycle I am on does not glorify God, but I am struggling with the point at which I am dishonoring Him. See, I forgive those that have let me down or hurt me to the point I forget what they have done. That's where the hope comes in.
I get so excited and hopeful about their "change" that I believe things will be so much better...... Enter disappointment:(
When they let me down, it's so unexpected, well to me at least, and I get hurt. I begin to get consumed with the hurt and I want so bad to right the wrong. And then my old friend bitterness enters!
Bitterness is a scary emotion for me because it puts me so dangerously close to who I was before Christ and I don't like that person! Don't get me wrong, that part of my life is important because if I forget it, I'll get too comfortable and risk slipping back there, but I don't like being bitter. It usually leads to anger for me and my thoughts, heart and actions aren't right towards the person whose offended me. I begin to drudge up all the previous wrongs and then I really get bitter.
I guess I just need a little encouragement and some loving accountability. First and foremost, I want to glorify God with not only my words, but my actions. It's also hard for me to remember that I can't expect Godly things from ungodly people, because I do. I know I don't pray for these individuals enough and I allow myself to be changed by their actions, which isn't their fault, then I blame them. So if anyone has any encouraging scriptures, or thoughts on what I should do, please share:)

Thankful:)

Have you ever had one of those random moments where you just become overwhelmed with all that the Lord has blessed you with? I have them often and yesterday I found myself driving back from class and sobbing on I-40:) I guess the song on the radio is what triggered it; You're not alone by Meredith Andrews. The song made me remember all the times in my life where I thought I was suffering through it alone:)
Before turning my life over to Christ, I was dating someone that I should have never got involved with. After a few weeks together I started seeing things in him that should have made me run, but he wanted me and I was so scared no one else would. About two months into the relationship the abuse started. At first it was just the threatening, and jerking me around but then it got worse. At one point he had jerked me around in front of a friend who told him to calm down and he threaten to kill all of us. You would think any rational person would have taken this as a cue to get away, but not me. The sad thing is, this is all I knew love to be, my father had been very abusive when I was a child.
He began to control everything in my life; if he called, I had to answer and he would pop up at my house in the middle of the night. One day, while visiting his family, I got the nerve to tell him that I wasn't happy and I wanted to leave. Surprisingly he was very calm and he said he understood. We went back to the place we were staying so I could gather my things and drive back home. While I was packing, I heard someone come in, then leave. I didn't think anything about it. Then he walked back to where I was packing and asked me if I would just stay the night because it was late and he didn't want me to drive so far with the kids. He was being so reasonable that I agreed. I put the kids to bed and then went back into the living room and sat down beside him. Before I knew what was happening, he had me on the floor with a pistol to my head. He told me that he'd kill me before he'd let me leave him. I began begging for my life and for my kids. I tried to reason with him but I could tell there would be no reasoning. To this day I can't remember what he was saying to me, all I can remember is how my mind was racing with ways to get away and get my kids out. For four long hours, he kept the gun to me, moving me around the house telling me he wanted to find a place that I wouldn't make such a mess. At one point I closed my eyes and just began praying; mostly for my kids.
Then the moment came, he told me that he loved me and put the gun to my face and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened, only the click of the gun; no pop or bang. The gun wasn't loaded. The friend who had come earlier had brought the gun unloaded. I cried with relief.
It was morning by now and his mom called his phone. It was unusual for her to call because it was so early, but she said that she wanted us to go to breakfast with her before we left. He agreed and told me to go get ready.
Eventually I was able to safely leave the relationship. I don't think about it often, but sometimes I still struggle with dreams about it. Yesterday while listening to that song, I became so overwhelmed with God's protection over me!
Jesus hadn't just magicly popped into my life when I asked Him to, He had always been in my life! Protecting me and comforting me. I had called out to Him that night and He saved me!
Humbled is an understatement of what I felt yesterday. That song made me realize that God had made me and even though I had turned my back on my maker, He never turned His back on me! When I thought I was only good enough for a man who abused me, He was yelling from the mountain tops that I was worth so much more; I was worth His life!

Happy New Year!!!!

Last night we rang in the New Year with our friends, Chad and Amber! We played a very interesting game of monopoly and exchanged Christmas gifts. No talks about New Years resolutions which was good because I have a hard time seeing mine through January:D
Looking back at 2008, I am overwhelmed with what God has done in my life. Yes, I know I still have a billion miles to go, but I am so grateful for the few miles I gained in 08'. A BIG one for me was learning to let go of what I call "the little things." You know; how Mackenzie's hair looks or if Trevor's clothes match or how Jarrod cleaned the kitchen.
The biggest thing I let go in 08' was my hatred for my father. No, we haven't made amends but I have forgiven him and I pray for the day that I can ask him to forgive me too for the anger and bitterness that I have been hanging on to for so long.
Another milestone for me in 08' was my relationship with my husband. I did not really understand what it meant to be a wife or how to let someone else come into our lives and "take control". Jarrod and I were blessed to win a weekend marriage retreat at Ridgecrest through our church, and I will say, it changed us both! I thought by most accounts, we had a good marriage; little fights here and there but we loved each other. God used that retreat to show us how much better it could be and we were both willing and ready to put Christ first in our marriage.
08' was a great year for my children as well! God chose Trevor and Mackenzie and they both accepted Christ as their savior this year! I have seen the fruits in Trevor and it is great to witness how God can use a child to do His will! He has such a heart and tons of compassion for God's people and I can't wait to see what's in store for him!
And my little girl; strong willed as ever! The fruits are there but our growth is happening more slowly! But one thing that isn't growing slowly is her love for pleasing God! If she feels she has offended Him or sinned against Him she is moved to tears. I know she will be a great disciple for Him and He will use that strong willed attitude for His glory!
After more than 5 years of being saved, I finally made the commitment and joined a church!!! YAYYYYYYY! We had been "visiting" Chad and Amber's church for over a year and we knew we felt at home there so we joined! And I joined by baptism. I finally got baptized! Jarrod had been baptized as a child but felt he made the decision without understanding the need for a personal relationship with Christ. He recommitted his life to Him and we were baptized together:D

It was a great ending to 08'! My commitment to Christ, for me, had come full circle! My closest friends and family were there to share in the day which made it all the more meaningful:D
So what's my resolution for 2009? First and foremost it's to remember who I am and whose I am! Every year I go through the cycle of putting Christ first, then getting caught up in my selfishness! I want to remember that when I am pleasing God, I am truly my happiest! I want to put my family ministry first above all other things and continue to pray for a servants heart! I also would like to stop giving up so easily when faced with someone I love who thinks that my "religion" is foolish.
To sum it all up, I just want to BE STILL, AND KNOW HE IS GOD!