Thankful:)

Have you ever had one of those random moments where you just become overwhelmed with all that the Lord has blessed you with? I have them often and yesterday I found myself driving back from class and sobbing on I-40:) I guess the song on the radio is what triggered it; You're not alone by Meredith Andrews. The song made me remember all the times in my life where I thought I was suffering through it alone:)
Before turning my life over to Christ, I was dating someone that I should have never got involved with. After a few weeks together I started seeing things in him that should have made me run, but he wanted me and I was so scared no one else would. About two months into the relationship the abuse started. At first it was just the threatening, and jerking me around but then it got worse. At one point he had jerked me around in front of a friend who told him to calm down and he threaten to kill all of us. You would think any rational person would have taken this as a cue to get away, but not me. The sad thing is, this is all I knew love to be, my father had been very abusive when I was a child.
He began to control everything in my life; if he called, I had to answer and he would pop up at my house in the middle of the night. One day, while visiting his family, I got the nerve to tell him that I wasn't happy and I wanted to leave. Surprisingly he was very calm and he said he understood. We went back to the place we were staying so I could gather my things and drive back home. While I was packing, I heard someone come in, then leave. I didn't think anything about it. Then he walked back to where I was packing and asked me if I would just stay the night because it was late and he didn't want me to drive so far with the kids. He was being so reasonable that I agreed. I put the kids to bed and then went back into the living room and sat down beside him. Before I knew what was happening, he had me on the floor with a pistol to my head. He told me that he'd kill me before he'd let me leave him. I began begging for my life and for my kids. I tried to reason with him but I could tell there would be no reasoning. To this day I can't remember what he was saying to me, all I can remember is how my mind was racing with ways to get away and get my kids out. For four long hours, he kept the gun to me, moving me around the house telling me he wanted to find a place that I wouldn't make such a mess. At one point I closed my eyes and just began praying; mostly for my kids.
Then the moment came, he told me that he loved me and put the gun to my face and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened, only the click of the gun; no pop or bang. The gun wasn't loaded. The friend who had come earlier had brought the gun unloaded. I cried with relief.
It was morning by now and his mom called his phone. It was unusual for her to call because it was so early, but she said that she wanted us to go to breakfast with her before we left. He agreed and told me to go get ready.
Eventually I was able to safely leave the relationship. I don't think about it often, but sometimes I still struggle with dreams about it. Yesterday while listening to that song, I became so overwhelmed with God's protection over me!
Jesus hadn't just magicly popped into my life when I asked Him to, He had always been in my life! Protecting me and comforting me. I had called out to Him that night and He saved me!
Humbled is an understatement of what I felt yesterday. That song made me realize that God had made me and even though I had turned my back on my maker, He never turned His back on me! When I thought I was only good enough for a man who abused me, He was yelling from the mountain tops that I was worth so much more; I was worth His life!